Thursday, 21 October 2010
first blog ever
well here goes, if nothing else i've been challenged in the art of giving up smoking and learning how to blog! Thanks kate for your idea to create a blog so I can now chat on mass. Two weeks ago I was worrying about work and the ironing and how to get Taigh the twelve year old into the shower- how insignificant these things seem when faced with the emotional volcano of a cancer diagnosis! Well its a little calmer now and the triangle that is my family unit going about stuff as normal until the next step on our journey to remove the fkn alien from my body. I am and feel truly loved up by all around me -like a huge bundle of cotton wool that has fallen from the sky enveloping me in positive energy- thanks you all x
I've been diagnosed with a rare cancer called sarcoma of the retroperitineal. Its located by my kidney, spine and aorta and possible connected to blood vessels. The point of diagnosis weirdly being a bit of a relief after two weeks of speculation, tests, scanning and biopsy stuff. I suppose they had been feeding me bits of information along the way so i knew it was a strong possibility. Not sure how long ive had it because i naturally thought id been pigging out or drinking too much vino and had developed the Wadley belly familiar to my family- (sorry sis's!). I tried giving up bread and refraining from wine but kept going back to a lump located to the left of my stomach and then thinking i was making it up.
Well I had Taigh off school with a cold and he'd been complaining of a pain in his foot for ages so i thought id sort it out once and for all and booked myself in alongside. Poor Taigh was very disappointed with the 'crap' doctor who said nothing was wrong and he should just take a couple of paracetemol. I on the other hand was examined and referred to Kings for an emergency ultrasound the next morning. Not wanting to alarm Jules who had to work i told him nothing and took a friend Liz to give me moral support- dear Liz who was watching the ultrasound screen as they located a mass measuring 15cm by 12cm has rapidly become my Irish district nurse- (we just need to find a basket for your mercedes honey) They then fed my veins ink and put me in the cat scan.
Had to wait a week after this with many phone calls back and forth from the doctor to kings and back to the doctor again- dealing with inexperienced receptionists such as those asking me "is it the fax that says suspected cancer?" ....blub blub!!! Got an appointment with mr brown the next tuesday who explained to me and Jules the likely hood of chemo before and after surgery and the other likely hood of being transferred to the Marsden....blub blub. A quick fag outside Kings with the dressing gown crowd in the cloud of smoke which appears under the no smoking signs and i was booked into the hospital. They kept me in for two nights opposite a 90 something with no teeth and the mind of a toddler- prone to calling for her mummy all night- and a woman who couldn't operate her tv card and had to tell everyone this on the hour. After an ultrascan biopsy with a big needle (helped by Led Zeppelin on my ipod) and on the morning of discharge a different consultant who came to see me shook his head when i tried to affirm that my bloods had come back clear and calmly told me that my consultant in all probability had already contacted the Marsden. The young pharmacist girl and Cathy (who appeared in her nurse uniform visiting the patient next to me and who i'd been in the pub garden with recently at a St Anthony reunion thing) got the brunt of my raw emotions as i realised the gravity of my predicament.
so thats me right now- probably getting boring and should sign off (maybe im just pining to write another inspection report.....erm well maybe not. The Marsden website has some interesting reading on soft tissue sarcomas and luckily have a specialised unit for my type- check out the photographs on the outcomes report- some are the size of bean bags so i guess its not all bad! will try to update this but of course it depends on treatment- have told Ju to update if im too ill xxxxxxx